Piss and Poop.

Twelve weeks to go. Only twelve more weeks of peace and quiet in the Moody house.

Farrah is just pluggin right along in Kathy's belly. Everyday it seems Kathy is just a little bit more "pregnant."

I can smell the poop already! Aaahh. Poop!

I hope I get to experience everything Fatherhood has to throw at me. Again! It seems like just yesterday I was running to the bathroom at the request of my then 5 year old son Alex; to "come and wipe him."
Jesus Christ were those fuckin good times! Gas was affordable, milk was priced pretty good also. And I got to wipe the shit off of my sons butt. I even got "some" on me a few times. Joy.

The good news her is that I run a low risk of being peed on. The boys were armed and dangerous, but the only chance of Farrah peeing on me is if she was held over me by Kathy while I was sleeping. Kathy is just the kind of trickster to do that. But we will laugh at it, because pee is also funny. And since I am bald I will not have to wash the pee out of my hair. I can just use a "wipe."

Well, I am counting the days. . .

Cell Phones

Cell Phones are great. I love the fact that I can get a hold of anyone almost anytime of the day by calling their cell phone. That is unless you are my wife!

She either leaves it in her car, turns the ringer off, is too busy to talk or the battery runs dead or she leaves it at home. Sometimes the ring she chooses to use is so faint only a fuckin dog could hear it. So of course she will have it in her purse and not be able to hear it ringing the thirty odd times I try calling within fifteen minutes.

Ahh the convenience of spending over $100 a month so I can be pissed beyond the reach of the fuckin moon because she doesn't answer her phone.

I worry. I often can worry a lot about stupid things. When she doesn't answer, I immediately assume she has been hit by a meteor or died of E coli. I am not kidding when I say FUCK CELL PHONES!

Thankfully Kathy is so lovely at every aspect of being my wife, but I am considering divorcing her if she puts me through the worry one more time of not answering her phone.

If I have to, I will purposely give her some E coli soup for lunch.