Cell Phones

Cell Phones are great. I love the fact that I can get a hold of anyone almost anytime of the day by calling their cell phone. That is unless you are my wife!

She either leaves it in her car, turns the ringer off, is too busy to talk or the battery runs dead or she leaves it at home. Sometimes the ring she chooses to use is so faint only a fuckin dog could hear it. So of course she will have it in her purse and not be able to hear it ringing the thirty odd times I try calling within fifteen minutes.

Ahh the convenience of spending over $100 a month so I can be pissed beyond the reach of the fuckin moon because she doesn't answer her phone.

I worry. I often can worry a lot about stupid things. When she doesn't answer, I immediately assume she has been hit by a meteor or died of E coli. I am not kidding when I say FUCK CELL PHONES!

Thankfully Kathy is so lovely at every aspect of being my wife, but I am considering divorcing her if she puts me through the worry one more time of not answering her phone.

If I have to, I will purposely give her some E coli soup for lunch.