Im just sitting here, late at night with an itchy back.

I am up at this stupid fucking hour because Kathy shaved all of the peach fuzz off my back a week ago. Now it is starting to grow back fighting its way past the "Jan Tana" bodybuilding itchy paint tanning juice from hell. The stuff has sucked out the very little moisture I had in my skin and now I feel compelled to roll around on broken glass to scratch this dumb mother-fucker of an itch. My back skin is drier than I'm sure it will be a year after my death and cremation!

I did it. I competed against some dudes in a bodybuilding show and I beat out most of them for third place. This was so far my biggest victory in the sport of bodybuilding. To all that helped make this event special for me, Kathy and Alex to name a few, I thank you for all of your help. Thanks to all of my friends who made the long ass drive to watch it also. You know who you are. I'm doubting you will ever read this anyway.

The longer I sit here and write, the less my back is itching me. My eyes are heavy. I feel like sleeping.


Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Scratch scratch scratch. . .

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Farrah Raquelle Moody

She is finally here!! Born Monday December 18th, 2006 at 5:38 pm. She weighed in at a staggering 6lbs. 10 oz. Her length measured a whopping 19 inches!

She is adorable and we are looking forward to all of the awesome poopie diapers we get to change as well as the large quantity of sleepless nights. FUN!!

When bad news strikes!

Yesterday I recieved some not so great news via US mail. I will not divulge the shit storm that was delivered to my mail box, but I will say that the stress that ensued for 24 hours following me opening my mail was the worst stress of my life. Seriously, nothing has ever been more stressfull on me than this! It is a matter of a long overdue financial obligation that due to my severe procrastination (sp?) has escalated into a full blown shit-storm.

The stress the devoured my chest was awful. Not sleeping made it worse. Not eating just pissed me off because I was hungry but I couldn't eat. I wanted to cry myself into a nice peaceful eternal rest of death.

Since dying was not an option, (Kathy would kill me if I die) I decided to confront this head-on and tell all of the people closest to me my bullshit problem. They made me feel better. Lots better!! Thanks guys and girls.

Over the coming weeks and months I will find out exactly how deep my hole is, but I am rather certain that my hole will still allow my head to peek out. I will get through this! Everyone reading this remember these words:

Everything is perfect and as it should be. A solution will present itself.

I love all of my friends and family and would like to say thank you for the much needed support I required today, and will most likely need tomorrow.

Especially my wife Kathy.

Cheers to all and Happy Holidays!

Invasion of Baby supplies

Well it has happened. My entire house is slowly being eaten by Babies R Us. It just keeps eating and then shitting out pink stuff. Like "Onesies." What the fuck is that? I put together our stroller today and now it is in the way of people playing pool. Takes up the entire side of the fricken table! It does however fold down nicely into something close to the size of a Yugo.

AAaahh. My garage is also a victim of this invasion as well. Somewhere around seventy thousand diapers have made their way in there and I can no longer get to any of my stuff. Like my cordless drill, or my collection of various industrial strength glues.

In the end though I have to say that this invasion of baby stuff has made my life a little more interesting. I am talking of course about the video monitoring system we received as a gift to help us keep tabs on baby Farrah. She is not born yet, so I am using it to keep tabs on Kathy in the shower.

Hee hee.

My Parents

Being a human being is hard. Being responsible for other human beings is even harder. It would seem to me that you cannot pick your children as much as children cannot pick their parents. We all just get stuck with what we get! I know that sounds horrible to say, but it is true.

If I could have picked my parents, (I am however satisfied with what I got stuck with. :) I would have picked parents with the following things in mind.

1. My parents would be somewhat hip to the younger generation.

2. My parents would allow me to be who I am, and accept me no matter what faults I may have.

3. It would be nice if my parents made a good deal of money. And were generous with it.

4. I would like parents who suported my endeavors and pushed me to be a better kid and eventually a great adult!

5. I would want them to insist on me taking excellent care of my teeth and gums. I will need them for a lifetime.

6. I would like my friends to think I have great parents.

7. My parents would always be there to help pick me up when I fall down. Sometimes even adhering a band-aid to an owie.

8. They would teach me how to be a great friend to anyone looking for friendship.

9. Right from wrong is a good lesson for my parents to teach me. I hope they do that.

10. School always seems more important to parents than to kids until it's too late. My parents will make me realize this in kindergarten.

11. Mom and Dad will not shy from the embarrasing conversations. I don't want to be a parent while I am still a kid.

12. My Father will teach me to respect women.

13. My Mother will teach me what to look for in a wife.

14. Both parents will stay up late to wait for me to get home from my first date. I will be home on time because they
told me to.

15. My parents will live long lives to see me accomplish all of the things they hoped I would. I will give them
grandchildren in return.

16. My Mom and Dad will always love me even when I am being a self-centered, egotistical, greedy little shit.

17. My parents will ALWAYS say apology accepted.

I love you Alex. Even when I don't like your behavior.

Piss and Poop.

Twelve weeks to go. Only twelve more weeks of peace and quiet in the Moody house.

Farrah is just pluggin right along in Kathy's belly. Everyday it seems Kathy is just a little bit more "pregnant."

I can smell the poop already! Aaahh. Poop!

I hope I get to experience everything Fatherhood has to throw at me. Again! It seems like just yesterday I was running to the bathroom at the request of my then 5 year old son Alex; to "come and wipe him."
Jesus Christ were those fuckin good times! Gas was affordable, milk was priced pretty good also. And I got to wipe the shit off of my sons butt. I even got "some" on me a few times. Joy.

The good news her is that I run a low risk of being peed on. The boys were armed and dangerous, but the only chance of Farrah peeing on me is if she was held over me by Kathy while I was sleeping. Kathy is just the kind of trickster to do that. But we will laugh at it, because pee is also funny. And since I am bald I will not have to wash the pee out of my hair. I can just use a "wipe."

Well, I am counting the days. . .

Cell Phones

Cell Phones are great. I love the fact that I can get a hold of anyone almost anytime of the day by calling their cell phone. That is unless you are my wife!

She either leaves it in her car, turns the ringer off, is too busy to talk or the battery runs dead or she leaves it at home. Sometimes the ring she chooses to use is so faint only a fuckin dog could hear it. So of course she will have it in her purse and not be able to hear it ringing the thirty odd times I try calling within fifteen minutes.

Ahh the convenience of spending over $100 a month so I can be pissed beyond the reach of the fuckin moon because she doesn't answer her phone.

I worry. I often can worry a lot about stupid things. When she doesn't answer, I immediately assume she has been hit by a meteor or died of E coli. I am not kidding when I say FUCK CELL PHONES!

Thankfully Kathy is so lovely at every aspect of being my wife, but I am considering divorcing her if she puts me through the worry one more time of not answering her phone.

If I have to, I will purposely give her some E coli soup for lunch.